MEET NIKKI! She also is a mom blogger, check her out! A Mama Happily Interrupted
I remember bits and pieces of my childhood, but they have never really felt like memories. When I look back it doesn’t feel like I actually lived it, it’s more or less like I’m trying to remember a movie I watched once. My parent’s divorced before I was even old enough to remember; the thought of the two of them ever being together actually baffles me. I visited with my dad on weekends; he was an Army man who served in the Gulf War. He faced numerous atrocities but that is not my story to share. He still suffers to this day from what he had to go through; PTSD is really such a sad thing that effects more than just the person suffering.
When I wasn’t using my weekends to spend time with him I could usually be found at one of my Grandparents. My Grandparents on my dad’s side is where I found my love for cooking. I can remember being in the kitchen with my Grandma and cousin making bread, dodgers (Native American fry bread), lefse, or rosettes just to name a few. This is also where the country girl in me comes into play since my Grandparents and Great Grandparents lived the traditional country life and had conjoining land that I was free to roam. I was that girl who always had a pocket knife and was usually trying to find the perfect stick to whittle down for s’mores.
Now on my Mom’s side is the Grandma who filled me with my love for gardening, crafts, and exploring whatever we could. If you were looking for a yard to play in this wasn’t the place to find it, her yard was nothing but flowers. I learned the value of hard work by weeding, planting, and watering because it was a never ending job that was so rewarding. When we weren’t outside enjoying the beauty that nature gives us we were creating some new craft. My Grandma is a true Wisconsin cheese head and loved to create cute little gourds that were painted like different members of the Packers. Together we traveled to multiple places; road trips are so much fun. We’d go and see silly tourist traps such as The Rock in the House or what about The House on the Rock; really they are two completely different places.
The biggest part of the team of people that raised me of course is my mom. She raised me as a single mom who usually was holding down two jobs while raising me. She is where I get my independence; we were in this together and I knew she needed my help. She was also the type of parent that didn’t talk down to me, I was her equal and my opinion mattered. There are too many memories or shall I say movies to share when it comes to life with her.
Although I may be the only child that was created from these two wonderful people I am but one of nine. Three of my siblings didn’t make it past being placed as memories in our hearts. The next oldest under me I didn’t get to meet until I was about 14, the rest started arriving when I was about 12. They consist of a sister (the one I met at 14), three brothers on my dad’s side, and two sisters on my mom’s side.
My teenage years into being a young adult were bumpy and filled with a lot of bad decisions but they helped to mold me into who I am. From these bad decisions I had my first loss of a child; it was only there for a half a blink but it was still there all the same. Years passed of more poor decisions when my second loss happened; this one was there a little bit longer. Names were picked out, plans were made, and hopes were high. This was the most painful and brought an overnight hospital stay with a lot of morphine that never even touched the pain. I felt like I was being punished, I wasn’t meant to be a mother. More poor decisions and feeling like it was pointless to even try to push myself anywhere in life when along came my third loss. I was treated like a porcelain doll but not even that helped, with this one I didn’t even bother to get my hopes up.
Then from making more bad decisions came the start of many great decisions, my husband Josh. We were attached to each other right away and just fit so well together; he is the peanut butter to my chocolate. With him I gained his son Ash who I now think of as my own. I will never forget the day we were eating lunch and he looked at me and said “Nikki I want a sister.” He only had brothers so his wanting a sister really didn’t surprise me; but it still made me cry all the same. The time came when we decided to become a family and my husband asked me to marry him; we set a date and commenced the planning. It was during this planning that I found out I was pregnant again.
That first appointment when I finally got to hear one of my children’s hearts beating was one of the most glorious moments I have ever felt in my life. I still kept it under wraps though and only told those who were close. More time went by and my belly finally grew; I was finally creating my precious little angel. When I finally felt like it was safe I shouted it to the world. The day we found out that we were having our little girl was the most exciting. We didn’t move the date of our wedding so I walked down the aisle 6 months pregnant.The priestess worked the blessing of Miss Arianna into our ceremony adding to the wonderful memory. She is now about to be 2 in October and every day is going by way too fast. She gives me the strength to stand up every day and push myself to be a better person.
Last year during this wonderful journey we found out that my husband has numerous masses in his kidneys. There is one thing I didn’t mention about my husband, he lives with a genetic disorder called Von Hippel Lindau. This disorder causes his body to randomly grow tumors that we have to be on the lookout for. So far in his life he has had brain surgery, eye surgery, and last year had to have one of his kidneys removed. We are preparing emotionally for the day he will need to have his other kidney removed, be put on dialysis and no longer be able to work. I fear every day that I will lose him way too soon. Thankfully our daughter didn’t inherit this but heartbreakingly my step-son did.
I am now at 29 a sophomore in college studying for my Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration with a specialization in Entrepreneurship. I feel like I am getting nowhere fast but I am pushing forward to make something of myself for not only my family but for me. This is where my blog comes in as a way to express myself, help others, and hopefully make money. Working from home would be ideal for me so I am here to take care of my family when I’m needed and not have to answer to someone else. I feel like we are constantly getting held under water never to surface as more water just keeps flooding in.
Someday I know we won’t struggle nearly as much; I am seeing to that with everything I am trying to achieve. I will continue to push forward looking at those loving faces every day for inspiration. So here I am a mama happily interrupted by her wonderful and loving family and I couldn’t be any happier to have them in my life.