For the Divorced Mom…


 

This September will be 6 years since my divorce.

I am no longer this girl, but gratedul for who I am now.

I am no longer this girl, but gratedul for who I am now.

I will have officially been divorced longer than he and I were together. In my eyes, this is kind of a big deal. This blog is not a bashing blog. I will not say anything hateful, hurtful, or all around ugly. There are places in this part of my past that still hurt. That being said, I feel like I have grown enough to express hope to other moms and women who have experienced divorce, break-up, and broken family. There are 3 things I wish I would have done for myself, and 1 bonus that I swear by to this day, and it helped me more than I can put in words.

This was one of the first photos with me NOT wearing a wedding ring. It hurt.

This was one of the first photos with me NOT wearing a wedding ring. It hurt.

  1. Rely on God, not the People of God

    Whether your religious or not this applies. I found myself constantly at church, volunteering, going to extra services, and hanging out with friends afterwards. Now that I look back, I realized that I started relying on the people to comfort me more than God. I stay in contact with most of the people I met during the divorce (and about 3 years after). Mostly, through facebook and social media. However, I can honestly say that I do not see any of them on a daily, weekly, monthly, or even yearly basis. I am grateful for all the people that helped me through my dark times, but I should have asked God for more help than all the people.
  2. Be Proud of Yourself

    I was ashamed of myself. Not because I was divorced. Because in my eyes, I had no worth. I had a part time job. I was barely treading water to get through school. I had no house (lived with my parents for 4 years). I never saw my kid, and SHE LIVED WITH ME! I was so consumed in everything I wasn’t succeeding at, that I forgot how much I was. I wish I could have told myself, “Chris, look at your smile. Feel your heart beating. Your heart is so strong, that despite this horrible pain you didn’t deserve, your heart is glowing through your smile.” I had a friend tell me, ” You have an inner spark, and anyone who knows you can see it.” This statement has stayed with me for years. I’m still grateful it was given to me.

    This girls amazes me to this day.

    This girl amazes me to this day.

  3. Don’t cover up your Sadness, Embrace It

    I currently struggle with this. My husband says I need to embrace my sadness (Thank you “Inside Out, Everyone in my family loves this movie BUT ME). He says this in a joking manor, but it’s true. I was soooooo busy being “Tough,” “Angry,” “Joyful,” and every other emotion, BUT SAD. Some nights I would have a sadness overload to the point where I didn’t know how to handle my own actions to get it all out. I would try to cover it up (DON’T DO IT, PLEASE DON’T COVER UP SADNESS). Now, I embrace my heart when it is sad (most of the time). If I need to cry, I cry. If I need to talk through my sadness I call my bestie or my hubby. Sadness will let your heart heal faster. Dwelling in sadness is different than embracing and working through your sadness. Dwelling leads to depression, don’t dwell.

    Most days, I tried to be happy for my daughter...

    Most days, I tried to be happy for my daughter…

  4. **BONUS** Life is Nasty enough, it Doesn’t Need your Help

    I learned very quickly fighting and getting nasty only made ME worse. I did have a few spats, and I thought I would feel stronger and be the “winner” of the bickering battle. I learned that being a nasty B*tch made me feel like one too. And I may be tough, but I’m not a nasty B*tch. I worked very hard to be fair to myself without being difficult. To this day, I don’t go out of my way for this party, but I am always honest, and try not be vindictive toward them. My texts are usually short, but not rude or insulting. It took a while, but later on I would have people tell me, ” I don’t know how you’re not telling them off,” “If I were you…,” ” How are you keeping it together?!?!” When I have a peace about my actions, I don’t want to compromise my character with negativity. When my daughter is older I want to be able to tell her with an honest heart why I did the things I did, and how I handled them. I pray when she looks at the past, she admires my integrity.

    I am Blessed to be where I am. My past has made me who I am now.

    I am Blessed to be where I am. My past has made me who I am now.

About the Author: christine abad

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7 Comments on "For the Divorced Mom…"


Guest
Joycy
2 years 9 days ago

This was such a blessing to read Chris!!! I am so excited for your present & your future! What insight!!! So incredibly proud of you! What an example!!!

Member
2 years 29 days ago

This is an amazing read and such an inspiration. I’ve never gone through divorce but have been through several tough break ups. Way to keep your head up and putting up the GOOD fight. Keeping God in my heart, staying humble, and being able to accept the situation has been my way of getting through tough times.

Guest
Natty
2 years 30 days ago

I didnt go through a divorce but my break-up with my son’s dad felt almost like one. You are so right, i lost myself and took a bit to find myself. I remember i used to see him dating and i would still be single. He told me once that it will be harder for me to find anyone cause im a single parent and guys would tell me they would date me but i have a kid and that would break my heart every time. And then i realized this is all great cause i can weed the people not worth it out. Divorce and break ups are so hard and people always loose themselves but its always awesome when you can look at the mirror and be like “im so worth it and who cares if no one sees it, i see it”.

Guest
Charlene
2 years 30 days ago

You are wise beyond your years girl. I’m so proud of the woman you have become. You didn’t become a bitter person, you became a better one. I love you!

 
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